I can feel myself slipping off the healthy eating track and I need to get back on!
My body has seemed to figure out that due to the intense daily workouts, I can eat 1-2 unhealthy things per day and not gain weight. Not really new or record breaking information, but, at first I was so worried about gaining (or not losing) weight that I freaked it if I had one bite of something "not on the menu." But yesterday I stepped on the scale and was my lowest weight yet (still only 7-8 pounds total) but it made me feel like, "Hey, I can cheat and I'll still be okay!"
Let me explain what I mean by "cheating." Something carb-o-licious for breakfast as opposed to my daily yogurt (cereal, granola bar, or the worst of the worst: a bagel). And, one more carb-filled snack on my commute home from work (pretzels, hummus chips, baked lays). My lunches and dinners still remain healthy because all I cook and buy is healthy food so I have nothing more to eat. I just feel like my appetite between meals is out of control and I am ONLY craving salty crunchy snacks. And by salty/crunchy, carrot sticks or almonds are just not going to do it.
For example just now, I allowed myself to nearly lose control. This morning I brought a yogurt, but of course, was confronted by a huge pile of fresh bagels, donuts, and coffee. I managed to choose a whole wheat bagel with a smidge of veggie cream cheese. For lunch, I had some ground turkey with broccoli, and some carrots and hummus. You'd think by then I'd be full. But nope, nearly two hours later I find myself "taking a walk" only to end up at Mr. Melon, my favorite organic shop. And a few minutes later, I find my hand nearly scraping the bottom of a bag of hummus chips! Now I feel full and mad. And I KNOW all of these things are not technically "unhealthy" but I'm also going out to dinner tonight which pretty much guarantees more carbs and some sort of alcohol.
I just need to continually remind myself that I want to LOSE weight - not maintain my current weight - and this is going to mean eating less than I normally would. If I want to continue with my schedule of eating every 2-3 hours, I HAVE to stick to healthy, clean, low carb foods. I am not the same as everyone else. It kills me to watch my colleague, same age as me, eat bagels and egg sandwiches every day for breakfast, tacos, quesadillas, mcdonalds, heroes and subs every day for lunch, and snack on full boxes of cookies or full bags of chips and cheetos. Yet - she is a tiny twig... and never exercises! And she has great skin, hair, health, etc. My jealousy just needs to be a reminder that not everyone's metabolism runs at the same pace - mine being at the back of the pack, and I need to heavily modify how and what I eat to lose weight.
Sigh.
Anyways, back to work.
i still think you're being a little too hard on yourself. what you're completely forgetting in this post is that in order to actually change your lifestyle and MAINTAIN it, you have to let yourself enjoy certain things. trying to turn down every single temptation isn't realistic and it certainly isn't maintainable. do i want to lose weight? yes. could i severely limit my caloric intake and work out every single day until i reach my goal weight? probably. but then what would happen? i'd go f-ing crazy from denying myself things over the last several weeks/months that i would eat everything in sight. try looking at the bigger picture. a whole wheat bagel with some veggie cream cheese is still a much healthier choice than you could have made and sometimes you should just take that as a little victory and let go of the guilt and you will have that much easier of a time returning to the yogurt tomorrow. part of our problem is that we are so ridden with guilt about everything we eat that even when we decide to "enjoy" something we shouldn't, we can't even enjoy it! life is hard, okay? give yourself a break every once in a while.
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