When all else fails, do something....

Hello! I have really been struggling with my hunger lately. I think its a combination of:

--increasing my "may cause weight gain" meds threefold

--going back and forth between eating healthy and binging for holidays, parties, etc.

The daily meds I take don't actually goes weight gain, but they increase your appetite and therefore I am hungry ALL THE TIME. I swear I feel like I go to bed hungry and wake up hungry, and feel hungry before AND after meals. 

Yesterday and today I somewhat found a solution. I came home from work (hungry) and began rummaging around in the fridge. But I then decided there was no way I could actually be hungry since I had just eaten a snack in the car ride home. So I did something else. First I picked up all our clothes of the bed/floor. Then I washed the dishes. Then I washed peeled and chopped a crapload of veggies. Then I decided to make chili. By the time I was done with everything, I actually was hungry and it actually was an appropriate time to eat. Sounds simple but sometimes I feel like there's nothing else to do... But eat. (Absurd)

And now... My life in photos over the past three weeks

Buffalo chicken lettuce wraps. SO easy (boneless skinless chicken breast in a crockpot with a bottle of franks hot sauce). I sliced some carrots and celery and used lowfat ranch for the wraps. Yum! Marvin, of course, made a panini.

And speak of the devil, here he is hand whipping some skinny pumpkin cheesecake. Tasted sooooo good on the spoon but sadly, we did not get to eat any on thanksgiving. 

And here are my spin on skinny pumpkin cheese shooters. Very similar to the pie bit with some added cool whip and crushed chocolate graham crackers. 

I recently got to head back to my new favorite bar, Beauty Bar, with one of my newly married favorited couples.

Here you will see the easiest crockpot dish I ever made. Boneless skinless breasts with a bottle of salsa verde. That's it. I ate it over brown rice with some lowfat cheese and veggies. I love using my crockpot bc I can always get 4-6 meals out of it, at least. 

My work holiday party this year was at Brooklyn's Children's museum. I imagined that they rented a space or room for the party, but they literally rented out the whole museum!!! It was so cool, and the museum security was really lax and let us wander around and hangout in all the exhibits. Being a children's museum, most of the exhibits were interactive and some even had live animals! This was definitely the coolest most interesting party I've ever been to. One of the exhibits is called "world of Brooklyn" and it's a little mini replica of Brooklyn... Complete with a subway, bus, pizza shop, prospect park, barber shop, etc. it was so cute!

We nearly spent 100$ on a tree from the guys who sell them on the street.... But thank god we'd isn't becausew e got this beauty for $30 at Home Depot! I was amazed at how many trees they had... It was literally like a tree farm (except they were already chopped down).

We had a lovely time decorating and Marvin even put a little surprise gift in my stocking!!!! ❤️❤️❤️

This past weekend overall was very nice with lots of relaxing, Christmas decorating, and partying. Saturday night I went out for a birthday party. We were the oldest people there by 4-10 years and I definitely was reminded why I don't go out in the west village..... But we still had lots of fun.

Migraines, paninis, and wolves

I can't believe I am yet again, talking about my migraines. They are so frequent that I am having to miss or leave work early 1-2 days a week. When I start to think about it, I sometimes feel an uncontrollable panic well up inside me. At other times I feel strangely calm, almost complacent. Part of me feels like: Oh well, this is my life. This is how its going to be for an undetermined amount of time. My choice is either to let it overtake my entire being and accomplish nothing for the rest of my life (overdramatic). OR, find ways to deal with it. I have been better about finding ways to deal with it... "it" being the fact that I have a benign, non-life threatening brain disease that I will probably have for the rest of my life. I've stopped trying to figure out WHY and WHY ME and HOW CAN I CURE THIS. What am not good at "dealing with" is the actual migraine and aura episodes. I always feel scared and panicked. I always think "something worse" or "something new" is going to happen to me during a migraine attack. And I always - feel pain. The intensity of the pain varies and that is basically the main factor of how well I "deal."

Some people have apparently tried to recreate the type of aura I get - called scintillating scotoma. Its pretty freaky because this is pretty much exactly what it looks like:

On to other topics.

Lately, Marvin has really been into taking whatever I cook and making it into a panini. I bought this little cuisinart panini press a few years ago that I used to use a George Foreman grill for chicken, burgers, etc. Since living with Marvin, we've made more use of it than I did in the past three years. This is great because I usually cook some sort of meat and then just throw it on top of a salad. That's usually not enough for Marvin, but the panini press allows me NOT to have to cook an extra side dish just for him.

Example: I cooked BBQ pork shoulder in the slow cooker.
My dinner: Salad with BBQ pork
Marvin's dinner" BBQ & cheddar cheese panini

Viola!

This week a real wolf came to my school. The 7th graders are reading Call of the Wild and one of their amazing teachers raised $5,000 to have a wolf come to the school. I honestly don't know what sort of company brings wild animals to schools, but it was pretty cool. This wolf was HUGE... like I always thought wolves were the size of dogs. But now way, 3x the size at least. The scariest thing was how the wolf was just pacing back and forth around the gym... probably surveying the hundreds of food options (people). Creepiest of all, when a new person would enter the gym, or make a particular obvious movement, the wolf would immediately lock eyes with you and track you for the next minute or two. I literally thought the wolf might eat me. But it did not.

Pumpkin Caramel Latte

Title = probably the best Bath & Body Works candle you'll ever smell in your life. Seriously.

Weight Watchers
I'm down 8.8 pounds!!!!!! I am SO proud of myself - I have not lost this much weight since my senior year of high school. It sounds like a lot to me, but I still can barely notice in my body. I haven't heard any "Have you lost weight?" yet. My clothes are still fitting pretty much the same, maybe a tad looser. This week I am REALLY nervous to get weighed because my Biggest Loser watching experience tells me that a big weight loss often is followed by a small to non-existing one. Last week I lost FOUR POUNDS... which sounds absurd to me... so I'm expecting very little this week. Plus, I bombed on the weekend again... eating pretty much whatever I wanted on Friday night and Saturday.

Cooking
I have been cooking up a storm. This is probably my biggest "weight loss secret." Its totally not a secret that cooking encourages healthier eating, but for me this is a big one. Ordering dinner or lunch guarantees that I'm either going to get something slightly more unhealthy than if I would have cooked it myself and/or eat slightly more than if I would have cooked myself. So here are some of the things I've been cooking:

Squash: In the past few weeks I've made spaghetti squash (straight up with homemade tomato sauce), butternut squash fries, and roasted butternut squash.
Baked chicken nuggets (Skinnytaste)
Chicken Shiitake Mushroom Soup (Skinnytaste)
Crockpot whole baked chicken and
Crockpot chicken broth

Beauty Bar

So I am at a total loss of 4.8 pounds since my 10/16 start date. I think this is excellent considering:

A) No exercise besides walking (not that I'm proud of that but I am impressed with my body's ability to lose weight without excercise).

B) "Flexible" weekends... meaning, I didn't really track points or stick to the diet during some special events over the past few weekends. 

---wknd 1 - Apple picking

---wknd 2 - Erin and robs wedding

---wknd 3 - Tricia's birthday party 

---wknd 4 - Dinner and drinks with friends 

I am excited to see if I can really keep this up!

I am obsessed with this coffee shop on the corner called Venticinique. They have an awesome pumpkin latte in which they put real pumpkin (well, from a can). I think this is genius and it tastes 100x better than Starbucks PSL.

I am LOVING fall in Park Slope. The leaves on the trees and ground are gorgeous, and the sunsets each night are breathtaking. This leaf got stuck to the bottom of my pants the other day and I just had to keep it :)

This is the view down the street outside one of my living room windows. Marvin and I love drinking our coffee and staring out the windows. I can't wait until he builds our little window seats. 

Cooking has been fun and we've still been using the crockpot nearly every day. Sometimes it's hard to "modify" meals so that they are healthy for both of us, but still filling for Marvin. He's an example of our 2 different versions of breakfast this Saturday morning.

Me: egg whites with veggies, a banana and clementine.

Marvin: eggs with cheese, toasted bread with olive oil, BBQ chicken (strange I know, but he likes having meat with his eggs!)

Last night Laura and I stumbled into an awesome bar down the block from my apartment: Beauty Bar. I thought it was so cute! Apparently there's a famous-ish one in manhattan but I had never heard of it. Basically the concept is beauty parlor turned bar. So the bar is full of vintage beauty parlor stuff.... Barber chairs, hair dryers, manicure tables and magazines, etc. the walls are also glittery and give the whole place a 70s feel. AND, I heard you can actually GET a manicure there earlier in the night. So cute!

Migraines and Parsnips

Lately, the "on pain" part of this blog title has been living up to its name. In the past two months, there have been weeks where I have migraines more than I don't have them. I'm trying not to get into panic mode, because I know that will only add to the number. But it's hard... really hard... and I'm finding it more and more difficult to revert to my trusty back-up feeling when I'm mad, sad, or scared: Gratitude.

So let me try.

I'm grateful for this cookie recipe I found on Skinnytaste. Only 1 WW point each... SO easy to make and really delicious. I brought them to work and people were literally shocked when they found out what was in them:

2 overripe bananas + 1 cup of oats

That's it!!! You mash it all up together and bake it in the over for 15 minutes. The recipe calls for chocolate chips, which I didn't have... so I added about 1 tsp of reduced fat peanut butter drizzled over the top. A-Mazing.

Healthy cookies

Yum

I'm grateful for the Park Slope sky, and the way it looks on an early fall night


















I'm grateful for the delicious fruits and veggies I got from the Farmer's Market at Grand Army plaza this weekend. So far, with my goodies, I've made the following:
-Mashed butternut squash
-Kale chips
-Sauteed swiss chard
-Sauteed baby eggplants
-Chopped salad: Romaine lettuce & kale, yellow & green string beans, yellow tomatoes
-Roasted parsnips - these were SOOO good, they tasted like french fries!

The best part? ALL of the above "dishes" were ZERO points. If I added anything, I used a DROP of olive oil or just PAM spray.

My farmer's market treats - concord grapes were eaten in about 5 minutes

Kiwis

If only kiwis were easier to peel, I'd literally eat them every day. They're cheap, they have a unique flavor and color, and they are just the right size. But they make my mouth itch?!?! Normal or strange?

WW Update
I went to my first weigh-in last week..... and I lost 3.2 pounds!!! I am SO proud of myself for sticking 5to the diet and actually losing weight. I'm actually shocked that I lost any weight without doing any exercise. Just goes to show that "diets" (while harboring a dark, cold, place in my heart) actually do work. And dare I say that Weight Watchers... isn't so bad?? I'm nervous about this week's weigh-in because 1) I have my period and I generally gain 3-5 pounds in water weight throughout the week. 2) I completely went off the diet on Friday & Saturday for Erin's wedding weekend. I guess I could have strayed off a little bit... less.. than I did. But it would have been really hard. My WW "success" has been really dependent on the unlimited fruits and veggies. This weekend, not only was I in a hotel but I was busy, busy, busy and just not able to have access to healthy foods. I did try... I brought a bag of apples and bananas but when it came down do it I just wanted to eat/drink whatever I want. And boy did I take advantage of that..

Cooking update
I used my crockpot AGAIN and made some amazingly delicious, healthy, BBQ chicken!!!

Recipe:
1 - Lay 4 bone-in skinless chicken breasts in the bottom of the crockpot.
2 - Cover with half bottle of your favorite BBQ sauce (I used Sweet Baby Ray's "sweet n spicy")
3 - Add approx 1 tablespoon of brown sugar
4 - Add about 1/4 cup of apple cider vinegar
5 - Cook on high for 3 hours
6 - Take chicken out, shred off the bone, put chicken back in. Remove some of the liquid so its just covering the chicken. Add the rest of the BBQ sauce
7 - Add 1/2 apple, diced. Cook for 1 more hour on low

Food pics!

Amazing falafel and hummus from Mediterranean place in the new hood

What I'm calling "Egg white pie" - ZERO WW points!!!!

1) Spray In a pie dish or round baking dish with Spaml add 5-6 egg whites. I used about 1.5 cups of "All Whites" 100% Liquid Egg whites

2) Add chopped veggies. I used broccoli, orange peppers, tomatoes, and frozen spinach (thawed)

3) Sprinkle the top with a little Parmesan cheese

4) Bake for 20 minutes

5) Remove from oven, let it cool, slice into pieces, wrap in foil for yummy breakfasts to go!

My first crockpot adventure! BBQ pulled pork with apples. Yum!!

Migraines, WW, Apple Picking, Crockpot

Well, the title is very self-explanatory. These are the things I'd like to talk about.

Migraines
I'm not sure what's going on, but I've been getting them like crazy. In October alone I've gotten 3-4... and in the past week I've gotten two. Yesterday, I got one while apple picking! I was happy, relaxed, well-rested (or so I thought) and BAM, out of nowhere... I get one. I am trying my hardest not to resort to the panicky and depressed state I assume when I started getting clusters of migraines.

I am also seriously starting to develop a theory. Prior to moving in with Marvin, I literally hadn't gotten a migraine for almost a year. Since moving in I've gotten 5-6 and many additional "smaller" headaches. I really, really think my migraines are triggered by lack of sleep. In fact, I'm starting to think that my migraines started, to begin with, from years of poor, interrupted sleep. I wake up anywhere from 8-10 times a night. Bathroom trips, noises outside, creaks and clicks in the walls, footsteps upstairs, Marvin moving. And THIS is on a good night! Nights when Marvin's snoring is bad, I'm awake for more than I sleep. I've brought this up to doctors before and they seemed to dismiss the idea. But I have an appointment with my doctor this week and I'm going to push it back on the table.

How I literally feel

Weight Watchers
I joined weight watchers!!! Last Wednesday, as I was recovering from my Tuesday migraine, I literally joined in a sheer burst of spontaneity. But there were obviously reasons:

1) Its working for my mom (its always worked for my mom) and we have similar eating habits/problems.

2) My migraines have put a serious damper on my workout schedule. I get a day in, then have a migraine, and need to take 3-4 days off. At this point I need to do something else besides exercise.

3) My bridesmaid dress (as previously mentioned) barely fits. From last Wednesday to the wedding is 10 days. On weightwatchers, I will lose SOMETHING in ten days. Hopefully a lot because I always lose more at the beginning of diets.

4) Its cheap. $45 a month, paid by the month. That's nothing. I spend $45 (at least) in one night on drinks. Even if I only do it for ONE month, it will be worth it.

5) There is a WW center 5 min walking distance from my apartment. There is also a convenient WW app that I have on my iphone and ipad. I put these two reasons together because they fall under "convenience."

6) Since I am a fairly healthy eater to begin with, WW works for me. You literally can eat anything you want on WW, as long as you stay within your points. I'm not the type to blow all my points on a burger and fries and eat nothing for the rest of the day. I do really like the new points system though, which gives you 50 "extra" points per week to use discretionally. I am the type to save all those 50 points for the weekend, and use them for wine or something like that. Which is OK.

7) WW now has this new thing called "simply filling" for people who don't want to track all the time. They basically give you a long list of foods to stick by on days when you cant, or just dont feel like tracking points.

So far, I've been on WW for 3 and a half days. Its been hard, but no that hard. I've been hungry a few times. With the new WW fruits and veggies are 0 points. I'm not sure I completely believe this is OK yet, but basically I have been gorging myself with my favorite fruits and veggies in order to stay full. I stayed under or at my points every day except yesterday. Which brings me to my next subject.

App with new PointsPlus

I have various bowls of fruit laying around the apartment so that when I want to eat for no reason I will most likely grab one. I've also been buying a ton of veggies, immediately washing and cutting them all at once, and storing them in the chinese soup containers for easy access and storage.

This breakfast is only 1 POINT! 3 egg whites (1pt) w/ broccoli and peppers  (0pts) and a banana (0pts)

Apple Picking

Yesterday I went apple picking at Wright's Farm in Gardiner, NY. I had SOOOO much fun - despite the migraine at the end. Here's everything I came home with... all fresh made and locally grown on the farm.

-Apples (clearly) - literally about 80 apples between Marvin and I
-2 spaghetti squashes
-Half gallon of apple cider
-Concord grape jam
-Pumpkin scones
-Apple cider donuts
-Banana walnut bread

Apple Cider donuts

Pumpkins and squash

My new fav pic :)

Fruit drawer in fridge filled with apples

The last 3 items I will not be eating any of, but I did have some of each yesterday and they were sooooo good. But I can't wait to use some of the stuff with my new kitchen appliance! Which brings me to...

Crockpot
I finally got one! Unbelievable, it was only $16 at walmart.com. I haven't used it yet so the verdict is still out, but it had 4.5 stars and around 400 reviews, so I'm feeling pretty confident. With some pork shoulder and chicken breast frozen in my freezer, I plan to try out slightly revised version of this recipe, once with pork, once with chicken. It seems ridiculously easy.

Crockpot Pork Shoulder - Modification: I'm going to use light BBQ sauce, and add some apples & onions.

Can't wait to use it!!