Migraines and Parsnips

Lately, the "on pain" part of this blog title has been living up to its name. In the past two months, there have been weeks where I have migraines more than I don't have them. I'm trying not to get into panic mode, because I know that will only add to the number. But it's hard... really hard... and I'm finding it more and more difficult to revert to my trusty back-up feeling when I'm mad, sad, or scared: Gratitude.

So let me try.

I'm grateful for this cookie recipe I found on Skinnytaste. Only 1 WW point each... SO easy to make and really delicious. I brought them to work and people were literally shocked when they found out what was in them:

2 overripe bananas + 1 cup of oats

That's it!!! You mash it all up together and bake it in the over for 15 minutes. The recipe calls for chocolate chips, which I didn't have... so I added about 1 tsp of reduced fat peanut butter drizzled over the top. A-Mazing.

Healthy cookies

Yum

I'm grateful for the Park Slope sky, and the way it looks on an early fall night


















I'm grateful for the delicious fruits and veggies I got from the Farmer's Market at Grand Army plaza this weekend. So far, with my goodies, I've made the following:
-Mashed butternut squash
-Kale chips
-Sauteed swiss chard
-Sauteed baby eggplants
-Chopped salad: Romaine lettuce & kale, yellow & green string beans, yellow tomatoes
-Roasted parsnips - these were SOOO good, they tasted like french fries!

The best part? ALL of the above "dishes" were ZERO points. If I added anything, I used a DROP of olive oil or just PAM spray.

My farmer's market treats - concord grapes were eaten in about 5 minutes

Kiwis

If only kiwis were easier to peel, I'd literally eat them every day. They're cheap, they have a unique flavor and color, and they are just the right size. But they make my mouth itch?!?! Normal or strange?

WW Update
I went to my first weigh-in last week..... and I lost 3.2 pounds!!! I am SO proud of myself for sticking 5to the diet and actually losing weight. I'm actually shocked that I lost any weight without doing any exercise. Just goes to show that "diets" (while harboring a dark, cold, place in my heart) actually do work. And dare I say that Weight Watchers... isn't so bad?? I'm nervous about this week's weigh-in because 1) I have my period and I generally gain 3-5 pounds in water weight throughout the week. 2) I completely went off the diet on Friday & Saturday for Erin's wedding weekend. I guess I could have strayed off a little bit... less.. than I did. But it would have been really hard. My WW "success" has been really dependent on the unlimited fruits and veggies. This weekend, not only was I in a hotel but I was busy, busy, busy and just not able to have access to healthy foods. I did try... I brought a bag of apples and bananas but when it came down do it I just wanted to eat/drink whatever I want. And boy did I take advantage of that..

Cooking update
I used my crockpot AGAIN and made some amazingly delicious, healthy, BBQ chicken!!!

Recipe:
1 - Lay 4 bone-in skinless chicken breasts in the bottom of the crockpot.
2 - Cover with half bottle of your favorite BBQ sauce (I used Sweet Baby Ray's "sweet n spicy")
3 - Add approx 1 tablespoon of brown sugar
4 - Add about 1/4 cup of apple cider vinegar
5 - Cook on high for 3 hours
6 - Take chicken out, shred off the bone, put chicken back in. Remove some of the liquid so its just covering the chicken. Add the rest of the BBQ sauce
7 - Add 1/2 apple, diced. Cook for 1 more hour on low

Food pics!

Amazing falafel and hummus from Mediterranean place in the new hood

What I'm calling "Egg white pie" - ZERO WW points!!!!

1) Spray In a pie dish or round baking dish with Spaml add 5-6 egg whites. I used about 1.5 cups of "All Whites" 100% Liquid Egg whites

2) Add chopped veggies. I used broccoli, orange peppers, tomatoes, and frozen spinach (thawed)

3) Sprinkle the top with a little Parmesan cheese

4) Bake for 20 minutes

5) Remove from oven, let it cool, slice into pieces, wrap in foil for yummy breakfasts to go!

My first crockpot adventure! BBQ pulled pork with apples. Yum!!

Migraines, WW, Apple Picking, Crockpot

Well, the title is very self-explanatory. These are the things I'd like to talk about.

Migraines
I'm not sure what's going on, but I've been getting them like crazy. In October alone I've gotten 3-4... and in the past week I've gotten two. Yesterday, I got one while apple picking! I was happy, relaxed, well-rested (or so I thought) and BAM, out of nowhere... I get one. I am trying my hardest not to resort to the panicky and depressed state I assume when I started getting clusters of migraines.

I am also seriously starting to develop a theory. Prior to moving in with Marvin, I literally hadn't gotten a migraine for almost a year. Since moving in I've gotten 5-6 and many additional "smaller" headaches. I really, really think my migraines are triggered by lack of sleep. In fact, I'm starting to think that my migraines started, to begin with, from years of poor, interrupted sleep. I wake up anywhere from 8-10 times a night. Bathroom trips, noises outside, creaks and clicks in the walls, footsteps upstairs, Marvin moving. And THIS is on a good night! Nights when Marvin's snoring is bad, I'm awake for more than I sleep. I've brought this up to doctors before and they seemed to dismiss the idea. But I have an appointment with my doctor this week and I'm going to push it back on the table.

How I literally feel

Weight Watchers
I joined weight watchers!!! Last Wednesday, as I was recovering from my Tuesday migraine, I literally joined in a sheer burst of spontaneity. But there were obviously reasons:

1) Its working for my mom (its always worked for my mom) and we have similar eating habits/problems.

2) My migraines have put a serious damper on my workout schedule. I get a day in, then have a migraine, and need to take 3-4 days off. At this point I need to do something else besides exercise.

3) My bridesmaid dress (as previously mentioned) barely fits. From last Wednesday to the wedding is 10 days. On weightwatchers, I will lose SOMETHING in ten days. Hopefully a lot because I always lose more at the beginning of diets.

4) Its cheap. $45 a month, paid by the month. That's nothing. I spend $45 (at least) in one night on drinks. Even if I only do it for ONE month, it will be worth it.

5) There is a WW center 5 min walking distance from my apartment. There is also a convenient WW app that I have on my iphone and ipad. I put these two reasons together because they fall under "convenience."

6) Since I am a fairly healthy eater to begin with, WW works for me. You literally can eat anything you want on WW, as long as you stay within your points. I'm not the type to blow all my points on a burger and fries and eat nothing for the rest of the day. I do really like the new points system though, which gives you 50 "extra" points per week to use discretionally. I am the type to save all those 50 points for the weekend, and use them for wine or something like that. Which is OK.

7) WW now has this new thing called "simply filling" for people who don't want to track all the time. They basically give you a long list of foods to stick by on days when you cant, or just dont feel like tracking points.

So far, I've been on WW for 3 and a half days. Its been hard, but no that hard. I've been hungry a few times. With the new WW fruits and veggies are 0 points. I'm not sure I completely believe this is OK yet, but basically I have been gorging myself with my favorite fruits and veggies in order to stay full. I stayed under or at my points every day except yesterday. Which brings me to my next subject.

App with new PointsPlus

I have various bowls of fruit laying around the apartment so that when I want to eat for no reason I will most likely grab one. I've also been buying a ton of veggies, immediately washing and cutting them all at once, and storing them in the chinese soup containers for easy access and storage.

This breakfast is only 1 POINT! 3 egg whites (1pt) w/ broccoli and peppers  (0pts) and a banana (0pts)

Apple Picking

Yesterday I went apple picking at Wright's Farm in Gardiner, NY. I had SOOOO much fun - despite the migraine at the end. Here's everything I came home with... all fresh made and locally grown on the farm.

-Apples (clearly) - literally about 80 apples between Marvin and I
-2 spaghetti squashes
-Half gallon of apple cider
-Concord grape jam
-Pumpkin scones
-Apple cider donuts
-Banana walnut bread

Apple Cider donuts

Pumpkins and squash

My new fav pic :)

Fruit drawer in fridge filled with apples

The last 3 items I will not be eating any of, but I did have some of each yesterday and they were sooooo good. But I can't wait to use some of the stuff with my new kitchen appliance! Which brings me to...

Crockpot
I finally got one! Unbelievable, it was only $16 at walmart.com. I haven't used it yet so the verdict is still out, but it had 4.5 stars and around 400 reviews, so I'm feeling pretty confident. With some pork shoulder and chicken breast frozen in my freezer, I plan to try out slightly revised version of this recipe, once with pork, once with chicken. It seems ridiculously easy.

Crockpot Pork Shoulder - Modification: I'm going to use light BBQ sauce, and add some apples & onions.

Can't wait to use it!!

Combat 60 & Pain

Yesterday I completed Day 15 of LMC and my first Combat 60 video. I was terrified to try Combat 60, as most of the videos are 30 min long and I am still getting used to some of the fighting combos. I was SO happy that Marvin, dare I say willingly, completed the video with me. It actually wasn't so bad once I got past the 30 minute mark, and I felt so good afterwards.

15 days complete without any skips or cheating... and I feel somewhat healthier. My stomach looks and feels a bit flatter, and the scale says 1 pound less. I haven't really been "dieting" but have been making an attempt, at least since my last post, to eat healthier. If I could lose 4 more pounds by 10/25 I will be happy.

I've also been experimenting with some new recipes from Eat Yourself Skinny and loving them. One of my favorites is Lemon Chicken with Thyme. I cannot BELIEVE how juicy the chicken comes out using no oil or butter whatsoever. Plus, Marvin's Dad grows Thyme and gives us huge bagfuls of it. I find that if it stick it in the freezer it stays forever.

And now... on pain. Oh how I hate when my blog lives up to its name. This morning I woke up around 5:50 with some strange searing pain in my head. I groggily walked into the bathroom to grab some aleve before squeezing an extra 40 minutes of sleep. When I turned on the light and looked in the mirror, I realized I was mid-aura and a few minutes away from a full on migraine. I tried to hold in the feeling of panic as I fumbled for my migraine meds. I HATE waking up with migraines because a) it scares me that my body gets a migraine at my most deepest state of rest and b) waking up with a migraine usually means its near impossible to relieve... since the meds only work if you take them immediately.

And... 12 hours later, here I am. Still in dull pain, nauseous, and exhausted... despite spending almost the entire day sleeping. I had to call into work, skip exercise, and resort to eating whatever's around the house instead of cooking the pork I planned. Overall, not a good day.

But what can I do? This is my life and this, as my mom puts it, is my special challenge. Instead of slowly sinking into a state of depression and fear, I'm going to try to feel my favorite feeling: gratitude.

I am grateful for my new apartment and neighborhood and the peace it brings me.
I am grateful for Marvin and the fun, loving, compassionate way we are learning to live together.
I am grateful for my stable health aside from migraines, and that I do not have a life threatening disease or disorder.
I am grateful for my family and that both of my little sisters are growing into amazing young women (Happy 17th birthday little Laura).
I am grateful for the opportunity to teach 5th graders reading and writing, most of which were born into poverty, abusive relationships, violent neighborhoods, and worlds of instability.
I am grateful for Fall - for the changing colors on the trees out my window, and the crunchy browns and gold I step on each morning.

20 Days

Sigh.

Literally, I just sighed loudly as I began this post. I'm mad. I'm confused. Embarrassed. Worried. Frustrated.

Today I went to get my dress hemmed for Erin's wedding. Nearly 8 months ago, on Feb 23rd, I went with all the other bridesmaids to get fitted for the dress. I wrote a post about how I was embarrassed having to order a size 12. After that fitting, I proceeded to do Insanity for 3-4 months, losing about 10 pounds. The dress lay wrapped in plastic in the back of my closet... I was hoping that by the time I needed to get the dress shortened, I would also need to get it taken in... assuming my weight loss would continue and I would need a smaller size.

Well, guess what? The dress is tight. This morning, as I struggled, sweating, to zip up the back in the tiny dressing room at the dry cleaners, I found myself in panic mode. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE that I am bigger now than BEFORE I started Insanity??? So...

I'm mad. Mad at myself for working so hard all those months to get in shape only to return to a worse state than I started off with.

Confused. I've exercised every day for the past 10 days and seem to be gaining weight if anything- but definitely not losing weight. What is going on? As I get "older" it seems I have to work even harder and eat even less in order to lose a measly pound.

Embarrassed. I am embarrassed to be the biggest one at Erin's wedding. I am ashamed to be wearing a size 12 dress, one that fits snugly.

Worried. If I gain one more ounce pound I literally will not be able to zip up the dress and I have no other option. Its a bridesmaid dress and cannot be exchanged or taken out at this point.

So there, I let it all out. Now what? I have 20 days until the wedding. I want to say that 20 days is more than enough time to shed a few pounds in order to feel comfortable in the dress... but what's been going on for the past 10 days? I literally will have to keep my diet so strict and eating on a strict diet makes me feel MISERABLE.

I always try to remember that "nothing tastes as good as thin feels." Which is true... but I also think you can eat healthy food and have it still taste good. However, it doesn't look like "eating healthy" is working for me. It's starting to look more and more that I will need to go on a diet.

Let's examine yesterday's menu of "healthy eating" to see what I would need to do to make it healthier

Friday
Breakfast
-Turkey breast & mozzarella on whole wheat bread
-Iced coffee

Snack
-Banana

Lunch
-Leftover Thai (Chicken & veggies with garlic sauce and white rice)

Snack
-Pretzels
-Arizona "stress" herbal iced tea

Snack
-Yogurt

Dinner
-2 Herb crusted porkchops (taken from eat-yourself-skinny.com)
-Mashed potatoes
-Kale salad

Snack
-Yogurt

Seems healthy but I guess its technically not weight loss healthy. Here's what I would probable need to change to make it weight loss healthy.... without necessarily changing the food because that's what I had in my kitchen.

Breakfast
-Turkey on whole wheat (no cheese)
-Iced coffee

Snack
-Banana

Lunch
-Leftover thai (chicken and veggies) no rice

Snack
-Kale salad
-Water or seltzer

Dinner
-1 herb crusted pork chop
-Steamed string beans with garlic

Snack
-Yogurt

That cuts out cheese, rice, iced tea, mashed potatoes, and one yogurt. Doesn't seem like a big deal but its potentially 500-700 calories.

MNH > BK

This is one of many times I've opened a new post and wound up writing nothing. I guess letting so much time past between posts is difficult because I feel like I need a "catch up" post - and I hate writing those. But I love making lists, so here are some things that have happened since July 29th.

1) I moved! I am officially a Brooklyn girl and LOVING it :) We're still getting settled, but here are some quick apartment pics:

2) I got some sort of bacterial infection in my leg and was on hospital strength antibiotics for 4 weeks. I had 3 visits to the hospital including one day getting admitted, and 4 visits to the urgent care clinic. It SUCKED but I'm relieved to say that it is finally getting better.

3) I attended two weddings and was in one of them. They were completely different: Ava's at an art gallery in Brooklyn... Teresa's at a vineyard in Long Island... but both beautiful.

4) I lost my wallet and found it.

5) I went back to work.

6) I became very unhappy with the fact that I weigh the most I ever have in my life, and then I finally started working out again.

That's a good place to end the list. I started up Les Mills Combat on Monday, and successfully completed the week. I ate fairly healthy except for Thursday and Saturday. But it was worth it. Thursday, while Marvin and I were doing laundry, we found a cute little bar next door and got some $3 beers. Then we went across the street to ChipShop - supposedly bragging the best fish and chips in all of NYC. Of course I had to get the fish and chips, even though I generally don't eat fried food. Last night was Marvin's sister's birthday in Long Island and while I didn't go overboard, I had a few cocktails and a few too many chips with this amazing buffalo chicken dip.

I feel A LOT better that I started working out again this week - and I don't plan on stopping. Its been harder than I though to work out with Marvin here. He did it with me the first two days but then he really didn't want to do it the other days and I didn't want to make him feel guilty. The fact is, he doesn't need to lose weight as much as I do, and he does have more going on than I do. He's always doing grad school work in his free time so even 30 minutes spent working out makes him feel stressed. I love when he does it with me, but at the same time I like doing it on my own terms and not having to wait for him to get ready and get in the mood to work out.

So that's all! I hate trying to think of ways to end posts so I'm just going to end it. Bye.