20 Days

Sigh.

Literally, I just sighed loudly as I began this post. I'm mad. I'm confused. Embarrassed. Worried. Frustrated.

Today I went to get my dress hemmed for Erin's wedding. Nearly 8 months ago, on Feb 23rd, I went with all the other bridesmaids to get fitted for the dress. I wrote a post about how I was embarrassed having to order a size 12. After that fitting, I proceeded to do Insanity for 3-4 months, losing about 10 pounds. The dress lay wrapped in plastic in the back of my closet... I was hoping that by the time I needed to get the dress shortened, I would also need to get it taken in... assuming my weight loss would continue and I would need a smaller size.

Well, guess what? The dress is tight. This morning, as I struggled, sweating, to zip up the back in the tiny dressing room at the dry cleaners, I found myself in panic mode. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE that I am bigger now than BEFORE I started Insanity??? So...

I'm mad. Mad at myself for working so hard all those months to get in shape only to return to a worse state than I started off with.

Confused. I've exercised every day for the past 10 days and seem to be gaining weight if anything- but definitely not losing weight. What is going on? As I get "older" it seems I have to work even harder and eat even less in order to lose a measly pound.

Embarrassed. I am embarrassed to be the biggest one at Erin's wedding. I am ashamed to be wearing a size 12 dress, one that fits snugly.

Worried. If I gain one more ounce pound I literally will not be able to zip up the dress and I have no other option. Its a bridesmaid dress and cannot be exchanged or taken out at this point.

So there, I let it all out. Now what? I have 20 days until the wedding. I want to say that 20 days is more than enough time to shed a few pounds in order to feel comfortable in the dress... but what's been going on for the past 10 days? I literally will have to keep my diet so strict and eating on a strict diet makes me feel MISERABLE.

I always try to remember that "nothing tastes as good as thin feels." Which is true... but I also think you can eat healthy food and have it still taste good. However, it doesn't look like "eating healthy" is working for me. It's starting to look more and more that I will need to go on a diet.

Let's examine yesterday's menu of "healthy eating" to see what I would need to do to make it healthier

Friday
Breakfast
-Turkey breast & mozzarella on whole wheat bread
-Iced coffee

Snack
-Banana

Lunch
-Leftover Thai (Chicken & veggies with garlic sauce and white rice)

Snack
-Pretzels
-Arizona "stress" herbal iced tea

Snack
-Yogurt

Dinner
-2 Herb crusted porkchops (taken from eat-yourself-skinny.com)
-Mashed potatoes
-Kale salad

Snack
-Yogurt

Seems healthy but I guess its technically not weight loss healthy. Here's what I would probable need to change to make it weight loss healthy.... without necessarily changing the food because that's what I had in my kitchen.

Breakfast
-Turkey on whole wheat (no cheese)
-Iced coffee

Snack
-Banana

Lunch
-Leftover thai (chicken and veggies) no rice

Snack
-Kale salad
-Water or seltzer

Dinner
-1 herb crusted pork chop
-Steamed string beans with garlic

Snack
-Yogurt

That cuts out cheese, rice, iced tea, mashed potatoes, and one yogurt. Doesn't seem like a big deal but its potentially 500-700 calories.