Ode to Irony

Its funny how real irony is.

Yesterday my friend asked me why I hadn't posted on the blog in awhile. Little did she know that just that night before I had written a new post. 

I then explained to her that sometimes I get in "migraine depressions" (I actually invented this term) and even though I created this blog for the sole reason of helping me get through those scary migraine depressions...the last thing I tend to do, when deep in the dark, is write. 

But lately, I told her, I've been much "better" (will I ever actually get better?) and hadn't gotten a migraine in almost 2 months. 

Just a few hours later, my colleague asked me how I've been feeling lately. Generally I'm very superstitious about this and when people ask me how I'm feeling (meaning migraines) I just say "okay" even if I'm doing great. I'm scared to jinx a migraine-free streak by getting a migraine. But, I was feeling so great, that I told her, "I'm feeling great." I even went on to explain that the night before, I had exercised for the first time in 2 months (really exercised) because I finally let go of the fear that exercise would cause another migraine. 

I walked out of her office feeling refreshed and rejuvenated. I started thinking about weighing in at WW later that night, and got excited. I sat down in my chair. I took a sip of water. Then, I got a migraine. 

I literally couldn't believe it was happening. I think I may have slammed my fist on the desk and furiously whispered "No." I triple checked to see if I actually was having an aura or my eyes were just dry and blurry. And I finally gave in and downed the migraine meds.

The next few hours were lost to the hole of darkness, silence, and cold rags on my face. I crept out of bed 6 hours later, exhausted from being in pain, still with a stabbing pain in my right temple, simultaneously starving and nauseous, and ordered pizza. Granted it was whole wheat light on the cheese mushroom pizza, but let's just say that's not how I imagined my evening going. I had planned to go food shopping straight from work, walk to WW, come home and work out, cook, eat a healthy dinner, and spend some QT with Marvin. Clearly, none of that happened. 

So here I am now, the next day, in bed, in the dark. Still have a headache, but worse, my fear of irony has grown, gripping my brain with its ugly hands. For me to truly believe that a moderate 30 minute workout caused a migraine is dangerous... Exercise may be the one thing that can actually lower my high(er than average) risk for stroke besides not getting any more migraines. For me to truly believe that my superstition is real... That if I admit and accept feeling "good" I will actually cause myself to get a migraine, is both absurd and scary. 

How can I go on having a normal life?

I know everyone has something. And there's definitely someone whose something is worse than mine. And they go on with their lives. But right now, I just wanna say that my something really sucks. And sometimes I'm just not sure how to beat it.